Gina says that if I don't lose some weight she is going to dump me. So I signed up for Weight Watchers. When I stood up in front of the group and said my name was Porkins everyone laughed. I didn't think other fat people were supposed to laugh at fat people. I said it's not a nickname it's my real name and they said are you for real? I said yeah. Another guy said with a name like that I didn't stand a chance. Tell me about it.

When I stood on the turbo scales for my first weigh in the top blew off and smoke started coming out. They had to bring in an R2 unit to fix it. How humiliating.

I said I'd be coming back but I don't think I will. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.